her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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