Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
