lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
