i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I would fuck him just for his dog
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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