then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
