sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
