He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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