A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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