TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
