I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
