I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We smell like vodka and hangover
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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