It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
