i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
