he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
