If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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