she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
