so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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