I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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