I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
