Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
