Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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