Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize