Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
