Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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