My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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