How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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