The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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