There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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