I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
