Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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