You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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