my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
