The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
