Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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