I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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