Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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