Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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