Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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