no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
