And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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