I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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