My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
