I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
