Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
