my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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