Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize