she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
