they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
