Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
