Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
