Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Two words: blizzard sex
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
