This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
