the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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