I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i now understand why vodka
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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