college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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