and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
