Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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