I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize