dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
