He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Barsexuality is the new black.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
