i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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