Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
