Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
