I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
