I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
