i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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