wakey wakey hands off snakey
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
