Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
