I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
