not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
