Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
