it wasn't lemon gatorade
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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