About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
