Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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