I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
