If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
