it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
