Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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