We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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