i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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