DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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